Harry Potter and the Obsessed Fan Girls
by maniac4.0
Summary: Two wacky friends go to Hogwarts. Includes pancakes, bad kissers (aka dementors), and checks with poodles on them!
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer:  
  
Duckie: Hi all!  
  
Noodlez: And welcome to our--  
  
Duckie: --FISRT!--  
  
Noodlez: --Fanfic!  
  
Duckie: Now comes the part where we remind you that we are poor lost little souls who own nothing.  
  
*Noodlez whips out tin can*  
  
Noodlez: Please donate something to our Harry Potterneediness!  
  
Duckie: Any character will do!  
  
Noodlez: As long as it's Sirius!  
  
*Duckie stares at Noodlez*  
  
Noodlez: *pause, sigh* Or Ron  
  
Duckie: *blushes* yes  
  
Noodlez: NOW! ON WITH THE FIC!  
  
*Fanfare begins playing, curtains rise*  
  
Duckie: WAIT!  
  
*Everything freezes*  
  
Noodlez: What?!  
  
Duckie: Did we tell them that we don't own Harry Potter?  
  
Noodlez: Well, yea! That is the whole point of a Disclaimer  
  
*Cusrtains and music start up again*  
  
Duckie: HOLD IT!  
  
*Once again, everything stops*  
  
Noodlez: What NOW?!  
  
Duckie: Did we remind them that J.K. Rowling is the rightful owner of Harry and his world?  
  
Noodlez: I believe you just did, Duckie, m'dear  
  
*Music and curtains resume*  
  
Noodlez: WAIT!  
  
*Everything pauses, once again, pushing the beginning of the story further and further down the page*  
  
Duckie (and the now impatient readers): WHAT IS IT?!  
  
Noodlez: Did I have pancakes for breakfastor was it waffles?  
  
*Duckie hits Noodlez with a mallet, Custais rise (ALL THE WAY THIS TIME!) and fanfare reaches it's climax*  
  
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Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to a Harry Potter fan fiction written by two crazed fan girls (one crazier than the other). Allow me to introduce you to Noodlez. Noodlez is a crazy, hyper, blond girl with not much common sense. In fact, if asked whether she would prefer muffins or crumpets with her tea, she would probably say "The difference between sea-monkeys and green beans is that if given the choice of meats on the menu the monkeys would promptly answer Shiz to the fiz, Mr. Kweeky!'" or something along the lines of thatit is hard to map such a simple mind. Now, let me introduce you to Duckie. Duckie is the smart(er) girl of the two, but it's not hard to be smarter than Noodlez. Duckie has her common sense, but she usually forgets about it and doeswhatever it is that Duckie sees fit to be done at the moment. She is also hyper and crazy, but with a milder case of it (yea, blonds have more funnyah! Well, now I guess youre wonderingDuckie has blackish-brownish hairbut enough about appearances)and she knows how to avoid the wrath of HermioneNow! On to the story!  
  
Noodlez and Duckie were having a perfectly ordinary argument. Well, ordinary for themDuckie had just told Noodlez how "dreadfully boring" the Lord of the Rings books were, and Noodlez could not stand for that! Being an avid fan of the LOTR series, Noodlez immediately transformed into her demon form (or ratherGodzilla form for those of you who have no experience with the rage of and anime fan). She knew just where to hit Duckie where it hurt. First, yell for HARRY POTTER to come save "Dear ole Duckie", next, cause great shock by knocking the broom-straddled Harry out of the air. Duckie screamed in horror, then paled as Noodlez picked up Ron Weasley out of seemingly nowhere. Noodlez brought Ron up to her huge (yes, bigger than normal) mouth and threatened to bite his head off if Duckie didn't take the LOTR comment back. Duckie did it in a heartbeat, Noodlez grinded her teeth together and glared at Ron who fainted. Noodlez placed him on the ground beside Duckie (who fretted over him immediately), but now she was bored. Then, a blond boy jumped out from behind a boulder and began dancing around singing "Ickle weasel was scared!" Noodlez and Duckie's eyes met as they both realized it was none other than Draco Malfoy. Noodlez picked up the little prat and bit his head off, tossing the body off into the distance. Our story begins a few days later  
  
Harry Potter and the Obsessed Fan Girls Who  
Are "Slightly" Off Their Rockers  
  
Chapter One:  
  
  
An owl flies through the open window of Noodlez's house, drops a letter on Noodlez's keyboard, and flies away.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOHHH!" squealed Noodlez. She tore open letter...paused as she read...went pale, then threw it on the floor and began screaming in despair. "NOOOO!! I'm being taken to Azkaban for eating Draco's head!"  
  
Dementors appear out of the floor and closet and drag Noodlez away to prison...but Noodlez knows she can't go insane...she's too far past the borderline of sanity already, so what WILL happen?...Then, Noodlez remembered the Dementors are bad kissers and she struggled to escape.  
  
"HEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP!!" The Dementors drag Noodlez into a boat and take her away to the magical prison (you knowwhen you say it like thatit doesn't sound very scary at alllol). She is pulled along and thrown into a prison cell.  
  
"LEMME GO! LEMME GO LEMME GO LEMME GO!" Noodlez ran to the iron-barred door and gripped it tightly. She banged her head against it repeatedly, eventually knocking herself out (hahaha, I'm just like that, ok?!)  
  
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[scene: Duckie is sitting at home, playing chess with herself and winning! (surprise surprise) Suddenly, a snowy owl flies through the window and lands on Duckie's chess game]  
  
(A/n: Anything that begins with scene:' is written by Duckiethe other stuff is by Noodlezjust thought I'd clear that up!)  
  
"Hi, Hedwig!" said Duckie, restoring her chess game with her wand. "Do you have a letter from Ron?" she added hopefully.  
  
Hedwig bit Duckie to remind her that Hermione had Ron and to stop dreaming. Duckie chuckled at herself and read the letter. It read :  
  
DUCKIE!!!! I'M STUCK WITH BAD KISSERS AT AZKABAN!!! SAVE ME!!! I BE IN PADFOOT'S CELL! AND BRING PEPTOBIZMALL! TUMMY STILL UPSET FROM MALFOY!  
  
LUV, NOODLEZ.  
  
  
"Oh my goodness!" exclaimed Duckie. "We must save Noodlez! To the Batcave!"  
  
*crazy superhero music*  
  
Duckie attempts to fly but can't. Hedwig bites Duckie again.  
  
"Okay, okay, Hogwarts is a much better idea than the Batcave," admitted Duckie. "But my Nimbus is in the shop! Go get Fawkes and tell him to bring me there."  
  
Fawkes flies through the window because he sensed he was needed and Duckie and Hedwig begin journey to Hogwarts.  
  
"DON'T WORRY, NOODLEZ!" shouted the Duck. "I'M COMING!!!" Meanwhile, back in Azkaban.....  
  
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I love cliffies!  
Review and we shall update!


	2. A Trip to HoggyWoggyWarts

Chapter Two:  
  
Noodlez wakes up on the floor of her cell, screams, faints again, and has a funny dream.  
  
(the dream......)  
  
~*~*~*~*Noodlez runs in circles on top of a hill. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Duckie appear and attempt to stop her but Noodlez keeps running, intent on eventually catching up to herself.  
  
"Bloody 'ell!" Ron said, (^^ heehee, I like the way he says it on the movie!!). "Does she ever calm down?!"  
  
"Nope" replied Duckie, simply.  
  
Harry watched Noodlez run and felt himself begin to get dizzy. He shook his head to clear it away.  
  
"I saw Sirius do that once...er...Snuffles rather..." he said, going back to watching the crazy blond run in circles.*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Noodlez woke with a start.  
  
"Woa...I KNO WHAT TO DO NOW!!" she screamed.  
  
Noodlez stood and began to run in circles in her cell, occasionally screaming to the Dementors to bring her pancakes.  
  
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[scene: Duckie is flying by holding onto Fawke's tail with Hedwig at her side. Hogwarts comes into view]  
  
"Almost there!" shouted Duckie. "Just a little further Fawkes!"  
  
The trio landed on the ground in front of the stone steps. Duckie was practically in tears.  
  
"I never thought I'd actually get to come here! But enough of that, Noodlez needs saving!"  
  
She walked up the stairs with the feathered ones close behind. In the Entrance Hall, she saw the others were at dinner and ran into Great Hall to Gryfindor table.  
  
"Harry!" she called. "Ron! Hermione! I need your help!"  
  
"Oh hello, AJ," said Ron grinning while Hermione scowled.  
  
"Please address me as 'Duckie'," insisted Duckie (honestly, who did you THINK was talking?). "Anywho, Noodlez was taken to Azkaban this morning and needs our help to get out."  
  
"Bloody 'ell!" shouted Ron.  
  
"Why? What happened?" asked Hermione concerned.  
  
"She killed Draco, stupid," said Ron scathingly (doesn't JKR use that word a lot?).  
  
"Sorry, I was just checking," said Hermione.  
  
"Stop fighting!" said Harry. "You guys are so annoying when you do that!"  
  
"How did you get here?" asked Hermione.  
  
"Who cares?" said Ron.  
  
"I used Fawkes," replied Duckie. "Now, c'mon! Noodlez is counting on us!"  
  
"But we don't even know where Azkaban is!" said Harry. "How will we get there?"  
  
"I know!" said Hermione. "Hippogriffs!"  
  
"No way!" said Ron. "Not those things again!"  
  
"Fun!" said Duckie. "I've always wanted to ride one of those!"  
  
"Me too!" said Ron suddenly.  
  
On the way out to the Hippogriff stable (yes, there is one), Duckie pulled Hermione aside.  
  
"I know Ron's your feller and I promise I won't steal him," Duckie promised.  
  
"Thanks," sighed Hermione.  
  
"C'mon, ladies," said Ron charmingly in an Ephram-like way (I can dream, can't I?). "Your noble steeds await!"  
  
So the four hopped on Hippogriffs and prepare to go try to find Azkaban.  
  
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*Oh thank you to Noodlez for reveiwing to your own story. That's sad! Lol! J/K!*


	3. The Sorting Begins

Chapter Three:  
  
The Dementors had become quite fed up with Noodlez begging 4 pancakes...they decide to finish her off. Noodlez sees the approaching wraiths and pales. cowering in the corner as the Dementors open the cell door and file in.  
  
"GET AWAY!! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO...HEY! WHERE'S MY PANCAKES?!!!" Noodlez screamed.  
  
Just then, the wall fell over and stuff (lol) and 4 Hippogriffs crash in (somehow ...all fitting inside...). Noodlez jumps up and runs to hide behind Duckie's Hippogriff.  
  
"Back off!" yelled Harry.  
  
He raised his wand and preformed the Patronus. But it wasn't the same, the Patronus, namely, Prongs, turned on the five it was supposed to be protecting, foaming at the mouth. (A/n: No, I'm not implying that James has rabies...please forgive me for any misunderstandings, etc. ^.~)  
  
"What's going on?!" hollered Hermione. "What's happening to your Patronus?!"  
  
"I dunno!" replied Harry in a panicked tone.  
  
The silver stag charged, but it slipped on a banana peel and hit his head. It stood up and the eyes glow red. The five young witches and wizards (ok so say we're witches...we have wands now anyways so...yea) attack it. A giant hand appears from Duckie's wand and scoops up Prongs. It places him in front of the Dementors who draw away.  
  
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET THEM!! NOW, GO!" Duckie said in her voice of supreme authority.  
  
The stag shook its head in disagreement. He stood on his hind legs and approached the five.  
  
"Look," it said, "I just wanted some pie...but do I get it...NO! All I'm ever let out for is to save you guys! You realize you need saving a lot..."  
  
That was the last straw...now Harry knew something was wrong...his complex mind soon figured out the problem in record time...this place was evil...blah blah blah etc etc. So Prongs was affected...  
  
"Woa...I've been hangin' around Hermione too much..." he muttered.  
  
Hermione glared from her seat on the Hippogriff. Prongs vanished, much to the 5 spellcasters' horror. The biggest Dementor stepped up and held his long scabby hands out, seemingly, for the nearest neck to wring. Unfortunately, Ron was closest.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
--(PAUSE FOR BREATH)--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" screamed Hermione and Duckie in unison.  
  
The Dementor reached into his robes, "I haven't any reason to be evil anymore...besides," he said, removing what looked to be 2 pads of paper from his sleeve, "I have checks with cute little poodles on them!" he squealed.  
  
The 4 riders nearly fell from their mounts at this statement...and Noodlez fell flat on her face (anime style). She scrambled up behind Duckie and they all turned to leave but the big Dementor beckoned them back.  
  
"Wait!! Can I have your autograph, Mr. Potter?!"  
  
They turned back, Harry sighed and dismounted, and Ron scowled. Duckie and Hermione's eyes both began to resemble those of Precious Moments'.  
  
"IT'S OK RON!! WE STILL LOVE YOU!!" they shouted.  
  
Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth and blushed. Duckie just beamed at Ron. Noodlez rolled her eyes as Harry mounted again. They flew off to return to Hogwarts for the sorting of Duckie and Noodlez. ^.^  
  
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[scene: (I like putting this in!) our five "heroes" are flying back to Hogwarts on their own Hippogriffs...well excepting Noodlez. She is on the back of Hermione's. At the moment they are crossing the Atlantic ocean.]  
  
"Thanks for thinking of me, guys," says Noodlez grumpily hanging on to Hermione. "Couldn't even bring an extra Hippogriff!"  
  
"Hey, at least we rescued you," says Harry.  
  
"I'm hungry," says Ron.  
  
"Me too," says Duckie, "I wonder what house we'll be put in Noodlez? I hope I'm not in Ravenclaw, I might kill Cho Chang. I hate her!"  
  
"Why?" asks Harry, "What'd she ever do to you?"  
  
"She didn't go with you to the Yule Ball, and she's a crybaby," replies Duckie, "Oh, look there's Hogwarts!"  
  
The Castle comes into view and Ron leaps with joy and falls in the water.  
  
"NOOOOO!" he shouts on his way down. "THIS WILL DELAY MY DINNER!!!!!  
NOOO-"  
  
"RON!" shout Duckie and Hermione.  
  
"Will you stop that!" Hermione says suddenly.  
  
"I love him too! He's my favorite character!" explains Duckie as Harry flies down to get Ron out of water.  
  
"What about me and Harry?" Hermione asks hurt.  
  
"You and Harry and Ron and Sirius and Hagrid and Dumbledore -no not him, he made me angry- and Oliver Wood -even though he's gone and we got jipped out of Quidditch- and-"  
  
"Okay, we get the picture!" says Harry as he and Ron continue their flight.  
  
Hermione, Noodlez, and Duckie fly after them and Hermione pulls out her wand and dries Ron off with the hot air coming out of it. Before they know it, they land on the ground and put the Hippogriffs back in the stable before entering the Great Hall.  
  
"Good luck you guys!" says Hermione giving Noodlez and Duckie a hug. "I hope you get into Gryfindor! That way I won't have only Parvati and Lavender to talk to..."  
  
"See you in a minute!" said Ron and Harry. "Bye!"  
  
The three friends walk into the Hall and leave Noodlez and Duckie alone.  
  
"So, how WAS Azkaban?" asks Duckie. "It didn't seem to have much affect on you..."  
  
"Oh that," says Noodlez, "well, it turns out that stupid Draco was so evil, that I actually did a favor to the world by getting rid of him. So the Dementors didn't have any effect on me!"  
  
"Say that again!" says a voice from behind them. The girls turn around to find the ghost of Draco Malfoy starring at them coldly.  
  
"You killed me!" says Draco.  
  
"Obviously," mutters Duckie.  
  
"Shut up! I shall avenge my death!" vows Malfoy.  
  
"How?" asks the Duck curiously. "You're transparent! "  
  
"Okay, I should've been more specific," he admits. "CRABBE and GOYLE will avenge my death. Better watch your step, and if you ever go into the broomstick cupboard, beware, I'm haunting it."  
  
Noodlez and Duckie laugh as Malfoy stalks away and Professor McGonagall comes out of the Hall.  
  
"Miss Arena? Miss Jaggard? We're ready for you," she says.  
  
With one last glance at each other and a quick look in the Hall (where Ron was so hungry he had begun to eat his shirt sleeve and Hermione was pretending not to know him), the two headed to the top of the Hall where the Sorting Hat was place on a three-legged stool.  
  
"Dude, that's fruit!" says Noodlez (which just so happens to be her very own catch-phrase--in real life!--that she usually uses on a daily basis.).  
  
"Why do you say that? It's just the Sorting Hat," says Duckie curiously.  
  
"No, really, look on the table, there's fruit!" says Noodlez pointing. "So why is Ron eating his shirt sleeve?"  
  
"Maybe he's trying to impress Hermione," suggests Duckie.  
  
"Maybe," agrees Noodlez.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen," addressed Dumbledore, "we will be sorting two students tonight who will be in fifth year. Please treat them with curiosity - I mean! - courtesy. And now, the Sorting Hat couldn't think of a song, so Miss Arena? Would you like to go first?"  
  
"WOULD I EVER!" shouts Duckie happily. She jams the Sorting Hat on her head and hears a tiny voice in her ear right before it shouts out........  
  
"GRYFINDOR!!!!!!"  
  
Hermione, Ron, and Harry jump to their feet and applaud with the rest. Duckie joins them and watches Noodlez put the hat on.  
  
The hat shouted.......................  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
Thanks for all the reviews. *Hands reviewers candy* There ya go!  
  
Bond: You love me, you really love me!  
Duckie: Shut up! You're not even in the story yet.  
Bond: *blank stare*  
Duckie: I hate it when she does this!  
Noodles: Maybe if I take Arnold's head and - *Noodlez tries to figure out the math problem on Nickelodeon*  
Duckie: By the way we don't own Nickelodeon either.  
Noodlez: Darn!  
Bond: *blank stare*  



	4. The Search For Noodlez

Chapter Four:  
  
"PUDDING!"  
  
Noodlez removed the hat, stood as if to join a table...then stopped, blinking confusedly. She turned back to the hat which was staring back at her looking pleased with itself.  
  
"Pudding...?" Noodlez inquired, very confused.  
  
"PUDDING?!" Harry, Hermione, and Duckie shouted.  
  
"_Pudding.._." moaned Ron. "Man I'm-"  
  
"WE KNOW!" shouted Hermione, causing Duckie to glare.  
  
Dumbledore stood and addressed the Sorting Hat, "Why have you decided this girl belongs in...'pudding'?"  
  
"Well," replied the Sorting Hat, "her mind _is_ composed of pudding...and it was rather hard to decide where to place her due to all the clutter of posters of a rather...strange looking fellow..."  
  
Noodlez reddened with rage, Duckie banged her head on the table.  
  
"Oh no....Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!" grumbled Duckie. "He's just insulted Joel from Good Charlotte..."  
  
"Who?" asked Hermione, Ron, and Harry.  
  
"Don't ask...but here's the rules: #1...don't ever say 'freak' while in the presence of Noodlez as it while cause her to go into a rage. #2...never EVER bad mouth Joel--"  
  
"But who IS he?!" the three cried.  
  
Duckie shook her head and pointed back to the front of the Hall where Noodlez was glaring at the Hat.  
  
"See what happens..." muttered Duckie.  
  
Noodlez charged at the Hat, threw it on the floor and kicked it across the room. She then pulled an object from her pocket and slammed it on the stool.  
  
"BEHOLD!!" she shouted to the entirety of the people in the hall. "THE SORTING POP-TART!"  
  
Hermione gaped at Noodlez. Harry looked utterly confused. Duckie looked embarassed, and Ron--  
  
"_Pop-Tart...ooooooooooohhhh...._" he moaned.  
  
"Uhm...excuse me..." said Dumbledore to Noodlez. "I think we shall place you in Gryfindor due to your ...uhm................ because you...er...just sit down." He smiled.  
  
Noodlez shrugged and went to sit between Duckie and George.  
  
"Hi!" said George cheerfully.  
  
"yyyyyyyyyyyo!" replied Noodlez without capital letters.  
  
George laughed and they all turned to look at Dumbledore.  
  
"Welcome, welcome, new students! I suppose I could give a speech right now, as would be expected for most new beginnings here at Hogwarts...but I have also noticed the great hunger which Mr. Weasley is suffering from" -Ron turned scarlet- "so we shall eat!"  
  
The plates magically became piled high with...  
  
"FINALLY I GET MY PANCAKES!!"  
  
Everyone in the hall looked over at the Gryfindor table where Noodlez was overjoyed to have finally gotten her pancakes from someone. Lee Jordan leaned over to George and whispered,  
  
"I think 'Loony' Luna Lovegood might find a friend in this one, she might..."  
  
George shook his head, "Nuh-uh! She could prove pretty useful...duncha think?"  
  
Back in the common room...  
  
Ron sighed happilly, his belly full. Duckie sat in a comfy armchair opposite Ron, staring dreamilly at him...much to the dislike of Hermione. Harry was trying to finish homework from stupid crazy Professor Trelawny...and Noodlez was nowhere to be found...  
  
"Hey," said Hermione, "where's Noodlez anyway?"  
  
The others looked around.  
  
"And Fred and George are gone too..." noticed Ron.  
  
Duckie jumped from her chair, "THAT CANT BE GOOD!"  
  
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[scene: itz the same you ding dong! i can't change it in the middle of a conversation! jeez la Weasleys..........]  
  
"Do you think it would be safe to go to bed and see if they are in the Great Hall in the morning?" asked Hermione tentatively.  
  
"No way!!!" shouted Duckie. "Do you WANT them to die?"  
  
"Die?!" shouted Harry, Ron, and Hermione nervously.  
  
"Yeah, have you seen Noodlez after she goes through a bag of Oreos?" said Duckie obviously. "She goes insane. Which is fun at a sleepover at 3 in the morning but not at her first night at Hogwarts. This is so unlike me to suggest but, lets go find them!"  
  
The four friends (who only met a day or two ago, by the way) set off quickly to go to find Noodlez and the twins. But just as they were about to leave the portrait hole......  
  
"Hedwig!" shouted Harry. "What is it?"  
  
Hedwig flies in and hands Harry an important letter. He rips it open and goes from a shade of peach, to magenta, to green, to plaid  
  
"What is it, Harry?" asked Ron.  
  
"And why is your face plaid?" asked Duckie curiously. "You're a Brit not a Scott!"  
  
"Sometimes it does that when he gets really worried," explained Ron.  
  
"Funny," said Duckie, "J.K. Rowling never mentioned it before."  
  
"No, Harry asked her to leave out the part about his funny skin," said Ron. "Why do you think she said on national television that Harry has nice skin?"  
  
"Oh yeah........."  
  
"Stop this pointless discussion," said Hermione irritably. "Harry, what is it?"  
  
"It's Noodlez," said Harry nervously. "Fred and George have taken her to the bottom of the lake to meet the giant squid. They swam back up to the top and they thought she was following but she wasn't there. Come to think of it I really don't know why they sent Hedwig....they're still alive aren't they? Ha ha ha...."  
  
"Oh my God! Noodlez!" shouted Hermione. "We have to go save her!"  
  
"Again?!" whined Ron and Harry.  
  
"YES!!!!" hollered Hermione and Duckie.  
  
"Why? She'll find her way back up. Besides, Duckie's still here..." said Ron with a grin.  
  
"Because if she doesn't get Oreos in an hour then she'll die of C.D. -- Cookie Deprivation!" explained Duckie, whipping out her wand and heading for the portrait hole with Hermione right behind her.  
  
"Alright, alright, we're coming," said Ron, who's hunger had been replaced by sleepiness.  
  
So the four of them (Ron about to doze off) walked out onto the grounds and out to the lake.  
  
"Okay," said Hermione. "I'll perform the bubble-head charm on you, so you can breathe under the water."  
  
First she performed the charm on the boys, who waded into the water and couldn't hear the girls.  
  
"I just want to say," said Duckie quickly, "Ron is still yours, and you don't have to worry about that."  
  
Hermione sighs and smiles , "You just saved yourself from drowning," said Hermione. "I wasn't going to perform the charm right on you so it'd look like an accident and I could have Ron."  
  
"You'd have _done_ that?" asked Duckie, about to cry.  
  
"No," said Hermione laughing. "But it'd have been a good idea had I thought of it earlier! Just kidding my friend, you know I love ya!"  
  
She performed the charm as Duckie wipes away happy tears. She performed the charm for Hermione before everyone began the journey to the bottom of the lake (da da dummmmm!!!!!!!)  
  
*scary Jaws music playing in background*  
  
"Where's that music coming from?" mouthed Duckie, for you can't talk underwater.  
  
"I don't know but it can't be good!" mouthed Hermione back.  
  
"Look out!!!!!" mouthed Harry. "GRINDYLOWS AT 12 O'CLOCK!"  
  
"Can't go on....any....longer........." mouthed Ron hopelessly. "Must.......sleep............."  
  
Suddenly, Ron falls asleep right there in the water and a Grindylow pulls him down into the weeds  
  
"RON!!!!!!!!!!!!" everyone shouted, forgetting they couldn't be heard.  
  
Now they had two of their friends to save......  
  
Meanwhile.........Noodlez wasn't have such a bad time after all....................  



	5. Lake Rescue Maybe

Chapter Five:  
  
"Good thing Fred and George found that Gillyweed," thought Noodlez. "Wonder how they got it though...oh well!!"  
  
Noodlez swam about, looking for the Fred, the George, and the squid. She thought it rather rude of them all to just disappear like that on her...oh well!!  
  
"Maybe they're looking for strawberries or something...oh well!!" (lol...o well!! ^^; )  
  
She entertained herself by doing somersaults as she went forward...wondering how long the Gillyweed would last...oh well!! (ok...I'm done with that...*needs a new phrase*) As she swam forwards, she noticed something bobbing along with the current...it had a rather big head too. She swam forward and discovered a sleeping Ron with the Bubble-Head Charm allowing him to breath underwater. Noodlez tapped on the bubble  
  
"Why the hell is he asleep underwater...? (o well...^.~)" she thought.  
  
After a moment of "thinking" (well...staring into space rather) she began shaking Ron.  
  
"Wake up!" she tried to yell but it came out like "Bhwaaagghh Aaaahahhh!" causing bubbles to block her view as they came out of her huge mouth.  
  
Ron woke with a start, then looked grumpy.  
  
"Why'd you wake me up?!" he mouthed, not realizing she couldn't hear him.  
  
He looked around and saw he was underwater...  
  
"Bloody 'ell," he mouthed. "Why are we here?"  
  
Noodlez didn't know why Ron was here. She had come to have tea and crumpets with the squid, but he (the squid) and the twins had disappeared. She shook her head and Ron continued to look confused.  
  
"Where's Duckie and Hermione?" he mouthed.  
  
Noodlez wrinkled her nose at this but shook her head again and shrugged. They drifted with the current for a minute or so until they realized they were being surrounded by shadowy figures that darted in and out of view.  
  
"Uh-oh," thought Noodlez as she and Ron both drew their wands.  
  
Then a huge shadow loomed up behind the others. Noodlez and Ron both screamed, Ron's going unheard and Noodlez's turning into a huge mass of bubbles. The shadow approached and the two were frozen to the spot with fear. As it drew nearer they were able to make out the shape of the giant squid...then they realized this squid had long eyelashes, a bracelet on each tentacle, and carried a purse. Ron and Noodlez looked at each other, confused.  
  
"The squid's queer?!" mouthed Ron. Noodlez face faulted again and the squid looked insulted. It swam nearer and put a flipper...(or w/e those things on the ends of their tentacles are...) on each of the two spell- casters' heads. It spoke to them with telepathy.  
  
***I am NOT the squid you know...and I am NOT queer...and obviously neither is he...he is my...well you would call it a husband...and he has been out having chocolate starfish and hotdog flavored water lately and hasn't been watching the children while I go to the salon!* **  
  
"CHILDREN?!" Noodlez heard Ron's voice in her head...they were also linked telepathically...ooooo muahahaha...  
  
***Yes, children.* The other shadows drew close and took on the appearance of many many 'lil squid-y-s. *But I cant find him and I need to go...FIND HIM FOR ME!***  
  
Ron and Noodlez backed away, then turned tail and swam as fast as possible.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
[scene: (is this getting annoying yet?) back to Hermione, Duckie, and Harry, still in the lake]  
  
"Anyone know what happened to Ron?" mouthed Hermione worriedly.  
  
"He got pulled into the weeds -- wait a minute!" exclaimed Duckie, having a revelation. "They're not weeds! They're tentacles! He got pulled by the Grindylow down to the giant squid! And if we find him, we find Noodlez too! C'mon!"  
  
"Don't worry, Ron," Harry yelled forgetting he couldn't be heard, "we're coming!"  
  
"What about Noodlez?" asked the Duck. "She got taken too!"  
  
"I guess Noodlez shouldn't worry either," admitted Harry.  
  
"HELP!!!!!!!" someone screamed. Or rather, two people....  
  
"Noodlez! Ron!" exclaimed Duckie, also forgetting she couldn't be heard and giving both a hug as they swam into view. "You look like you've seen a giant family of squids, the mother particularly angry 'cause she couldn't find her husband to watch her children while she went to the salon! Poor guys!"  
  
"As a matter of fact, that's exactly what we saw!" mouthed Ron impressed. "How did you know?"  
  
"Hermione told me," lied Duckie so Hermione would stop glaring at her. "She's a sharp one, that Hermione...."  
  
"She sure is," said Ron happily.  
  
Noodlez suddenly began choking.  
  
"NOODLEZ! What is it?" asked Duckie worriedly.  
  
Noodlez merely did a few somersaults, tried to waltz to a rock 'n roll song, and pointed to her throat. Harry knew exactly what she meant and seized her around the waist and began pulling her toward the surface.  
  
"Help me, guys! She can't breathe!" said Harry struggling in the watery water (didn't I give u a HINT when I said "watery"? c'mon, even Goyle's not that thick! [that was me, pretending to be British! how'd I do?]).  
  
"Now, how did YOU figure that out?" asked Ron, even more stunned by his friends then usual.  
  
"I just know these things," said Harry, "when you sit in Trelawney's room for an hour and a half, you think of things like, 'What would I do if I was in the lake and starting to drown and my friends weren't paying attention?' And she did exactly what I would've done."  
  
"Which is what exactly?" asked Ron as they nearly reached the surface.  
  
"She pretended to be a monkey eating cornflakes on Christmas morning, you pea brain!" said Harry obviously.  
  
"It looked to me like she was doing somersaults, trying to waltz to a rock 'n roll song, and pointing at her throat," said Hermione, "but if you say so, Harry."  
  
Finally, they reached the surface and Noodlez breathed in deeply and shouted a rather rude word at the top of her lungs.  
  
"HELLO, DUMB ASSES!" she yelled. "WHEN A GIRL DOES SOMERSAULTS, TRYS TO WALTZ TO A ROCK 'N ROLL SONG, AND POINTS TO HER THROAT ISN'T IT OBVIOUS THAT SHE CAN'T BREATHE????!!!!!!"  
  
"Told you so," said Hermione as if she were three, but no one could hear her because of the Bubble-Head Charm.  
  
"What did you say?" Harry asked politely as he removed his own.  
  
"I didn't say a word," answered Hermione, demolishing her own charm and Ron's too (he was having trouble with his wand, a Grindylow bit it). "I sneezed."  
  
"Oh, God bless you," said Harry.  
  
"Thank you," said Hermione.  
  
Soaking wet, tired, and (in Noodlez case) angry, the five friends returned to their dormitories as the sun began to rise. Duckie lay down in her bed and closed her eyes, sound asleep in two seconds.  
  
But two seconds later.........  
  
"TIME TO GET UP!!!" yelled an alarm clock in her head.  
  
And sure enough, it was 7:15 and time for her first day at Hogwarts. As she shook Noodlez awake and began to dry herself off, she wondered how her first lesson would go.... Well......it wasn't anything she expected...........  
  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------  
AND NOW A VERY SHORT STORY BY BOND WRITTEN DURING SCIENCE!  
  
Harry and Hermione are sitting in the common room when Ron comes hurtling around the corner.  
I'VE JUST BEEN VOTED SUPREME RULER OF THE UNIVERSE!  
Harry and Hermione look at each other.  
Harry whispered.  
Well... Good ...job, Ron. Hermione said slowly.  
HAHAHA! Accio cape, throne and stick thingy!  
It's called a staff, Ron.'  
  
*silence*  
Tsooooo! A cape, throne, and.. stick thingy came in through the window.  
What about your crown. Hermione asked.  
It clashes with my hair.  
Harry said again.  
SHUT ...UP!  
Hermione was inspecting the cape,throne, and stick thingy.  
Ron, is th-  
YOU SHALL ADDRESS ME AS O GREAT RULER OF THE UNIVERSE'!  
(lol funny Harry!)  
Ummmm... ok. O Great Ruler of the Universe, is this the King's property?  
*looks at staff which says This is the King of England's*   
HOLY S-  
*Beef eaters burst in and drag Ron away*  
I DIDN'T DO IT, I TELL YA! I'M INNOCENT!  
Bye Ronald! Luna waves.  
I DIDN'T DO IT! BUT IF I DONE IT, I BET THAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME!  
Harry and Hermione exchange glances.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
So there you have it!  
  
Duckie : I am not going to review, i can't!   
  
*worries about Duckie's mental health*  



	6. Noodlez and Duckies's First and Last Day

Chapter Six:  
  
The pair skipped to Hermione's bed, shook her awake, and then skipped down the stairs, too excited to wait for her. They also skipped out the portrait hole and then skipped all the way to the Entrance Hall. They stopped and waited for the rest of their friends. Then Hermione, Ron, Harry, Lee, George, and Fred came down the hall and they all skipped (lol *tries to imagine the whole group skipping past the Slytherin table* LOL!) to their table. Once they were seated the food appeared. Noodlez and Duckie scarfed down their waffles and orange juice, then they grabbed their school bags and schedules, and THEN ran (yes...not skipped...) into the hallway.  
  
"Uh oh, oh no-e-no!" sang Duckie in a quacking sort of way, to live up to her namesake.  
  
"Eh?" replied Noodlez.  
  
"We've got double potions with Slytherin first!" screamed Duckie.  
  
Noodlez looked at her schedule...then at her watch.  
  
"We better get going! It starts soon!" she cried.  
  
Duckie gawked at Noodlez. Since when did she WANT to go to class? Noodlez looked into her empty school bag as Duckie trotted off towards the dungeons. She grinned as she thought "We've got no school supplies, Duckie, mdear...heh...oh well!" (*o not THAT again...*)  
  
Only minutes later....!  
  
Ron, Hermione, Harry, Noodlez, and Duckie all sat in the back of the classroom watching Professor Snape explain the first lesson that the two new students ever attended.  
  
"Directions are on the board. Ingredients are in the cabinets. You may begin."  
  
Duckie looked at the floor in front of herself...SHE DIDNT HAVE A CAULDRON! She looked at Noodlez who was sitting there, watching Hermione and smiling because she obviously had known they couldn't do their school work, so that was her hurry to attend class! Duckie reddened in anger but began to sweat as Snape approached her...  
  
"Well, well, well. We have a student with no cauldron..."  
  
"Meep," replied Duckie.  
  
"Where's your cauldron?" he asked venomously.  
  
"Meep," said Duckie again.  
  
Snape grinned and turned to Noodlez saying, "And you... you haven't got one either--why are you grinning? You NEED a cauldron to participate you realize! And you must participate to pass!"  
  
Noodlez just hummed.  
  
"What will you use as a cauldron? Hmmmm?!"  
  
"Well," Noodlez drawled, "I was thinking about..."  
  
"Oho! Thinking! That is indeed something new for a Gryfindor!" sneered Snape.  
  
Noodlez growled, "As I was SAYING!" she shouted. "I was THINKING about using your HEAD! I mean...its already hollow!" she spat.  
  
Snape stared at her in shock, "50 points from Gr--"  
  
"_Silencio_!" interrupted Noodlez. Snape found himself unable to speak.  
  
Hermione nearly fainted.  
  
"DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?! YOU ATTACKED A TEACHER! ON YOUR FIRST DAY!" Hermione screamed at Noodlez.  
  
"Heh," replied the pasta-y one (lol?). "We don't have school supplies. Me and Duckie need 'ta go to Diagon Alley!"  
  
Noodlez stood, grabbed Duckie's wrist, and dragged her out of the classroom.  
  
"Woa...," said Ron. "Wait 'til Fred and George hear about THIS!"  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
[scene: okay all you readers out there, I don't know about you but this whole "scene:" dealy is getting on MY nerves! So I think u can handle figuring it out for yourself!]  
  
Duckie and Noodlez were on their way across the lawns to Hagrid's cabin (see, u silly readers, that wasn't too difficult to figure out, was it now?). They figured they'd better get a wizard to go along with them to Diagon Alley.  
  
"Who's there?" Hagrid shouted over Fang's barks as they knocked on his door.  
  
"Noodlez and Duckie of Gryfindor House," said Duckie formally while Noodlez absentmindedly stuck her finger in her ear humming "The Anthem" by Good Charlotte (had to put that in there Noodlez dear!).  
  
"Oh yeah," said Hagrid opening the door. "Harry, Ron, and Hermione told me abou' you lot. Ron's quite smitten' wit' ya there, Duckie."  
  
"I know," said Duckie with a grin. "But he's Hermione's feller and I ain't here to steal him. I love Hermione and Ron too much to split 'em up and Harry too much to give him a headache."  
  
"That's good to 'ere," said Hagrid. "Now what can I do fer you two?"  
  
"We need to go to Diagon Alley and buy some school supplies," explained Duckie because Noodlez was busy with her humming and never liked to be interrupted while humming. "Would you like to come along?"  
  
"Sure!" said Hagrid cheerfully, throwing on his moleskin overcoat. "Lemme get me Floo powder and we'll be there faster then you can say 'fliberty jibbet!' "  
  
Duckie was wondering why anyone would WANT to say the words "fliberty jibbet" when Noodlez dashed into the flames where Hagrid was pouring the Floo Powder.  
  
"OWWW!!" shouted Noodlez. "IT'S FREAKIN' HOT!"  
  
"He didn't put any Floo Powder in yet, Noodlez!" Duckie explained, clearing away her burns with a wave of her wand (Duckie is quite like Hermione [or used to be] when it comes to studying). "Wait until the flames are green!"  
  
"Yes, but will they TASTE green?" asked Noodlez worriedly.  
  
She did not like the taste of green, but preferred pink and black tasting things.  
  
"I don't know, Noodlez, we'll see," said Duckie while Hagrid wondered aloud about the sanity of his traveling companions.  
  
"Okay, righ' now," said Hagrid. "Noodlez, you go first, Duckie you follow 'er, and I'll go last."  
  
Noodlez got into the grate but instead of shouting "Diagon Alley!" like she was supposed to, she shouted, "GRAVY!" and disappeared.  
  
"Oh no!" said the Duck. "Hagrid, where is 'Gravy' at exactly? Can we save her....again?"  
  
"I dunno, I ain't neva heard of no 'Gravy' befo'," he said, scratching his hairy head. "But we hafta go save 'er, she's my responsibility!"  
  
"Right, well then I'll go to 'Gravy' first and you follow right after, okay?"  
  
"Alrigh' then," he agreed. Duckie stepped into the green flames (which tasted blue not black, pink, or green) and said loudly and clearly, "Gravy!"  
  
She felt the whole world spin and landed surprising quickly in Professor Umbridge's fireplace.  
  
"Her password is 'gravy'?" Duckie thought allowed.  
  
"Of course!" said Noodlez obviously, who was searching through Umbridge's desk. "Everyone knows that 'Umbridge' means 'gravy' in pig latin!"  
  
"It does?" asked Duckie, dusting herself off.  
  
"No, not really, I just took a lucky guess," confessed Noodlez.  
  
"Why did you wanna come here?" asked the Duck. "Its far too lacy for my liking."  
  
"Same here, but I wanted to see if I could find something," said Noodlez.  
  
"What?" asked Duckie (man, I ask a lot of questions!).  
  
"Her diary!" said Noodlez as she pulled it out of her desk drawer triumphantly.  
  
"Bloody smashing, Noodlez!" said the Duck happily. "Let's see.........'Dear Diary, Today I took over Hogwarts. It was great fun! I think I'll buy some new lacy table clothes as a congratulations-for-taking-over-Hogwarts gift to myself.' Ewwwwwwww! More lace?"  
  
"Suppose so," said the noodle-y one. "Look at this one! 'Dear Diary, Today I got trampled over by billions of centaurs! And no one came to rescue me for hours and hours! Well, except the blasted Poltergiest, who came for the hourly "throw everything within reach at Professor Umbridge" ceremony....if I wasn't being thrown out of Hogwarts then I'd have him killed.' He's already dead, you dumb ass!" Noodlez added to the book.  
  
Noodlez and Duckie had a great time reading the diary and eventually memorized the entire thing. Then the went down the Great Hall for lunch. As they were eating, they told the rest of the Gryfindors about the diary and everything that was in it. They were just getting to the part about the affair she was having with Mr. Filch (who was married to his cat, Mrs. Norris), when Professor Dumbledore overheard them because he happened to be walking by.  
  
"I'm sorry girls, but that was being kept a secret so that we could read it to the entire school at the end of term feast. Since you've spoiled the secret, I guess we have to expel you."  
  
Duckie looked shocked as Noodlez shouted, "It took you long enough! I didn't think we'd make it to lunch!"  
  
"A new record!" said Duckie.  
  
"I shall get Fawkes down here. You have five minutes to say your goodbyes," said Dumbledore.  
  
Noodlez ran over to Fred and George and asked for a Skiving Snack Box, which would come in handy in High School. Duckie said goodbye to Ginny and told her to take care of Harry and break up with Dean (she didn't listen). And then the two of them turned around to look at Harry, Ron, and Hermione, whom they had been though so much with over the past 48 hours. Duckie began to cry a little, and Noodlez did too. While Noodlez hugged Harry and Hermione, Duckie gave Ron a kiss on the cheek and told him to "Ask Hermione out, you nit wit! before I change my mind!". Then Noodlez hugged Ron and Duckie hugged Harry tight (I always say he needs a hug!) and Hemione too.  
  
"Okay, it's time for you to go," said McGonagall, who was holding Fawkes and looking relieved that she didn't have to have Noodlez and Duckie in any of her classes.  
  
"Bye! I love you all!!!!!" shouted Duckie to the entire hall.  
  
"Never forget the Sorting Poptart!" shouted Noodlez. "And always use mouthwash after using Floo Powder because it tastes like blue!"  
  
"GET GOING!" shouted McGonagall.  
  
And so the two friends, one crying harder than ever and one shouting silly bits advice to the hall (you can guess which is which) grabbed a hold of Fawkes' tail and soon Hogwarts was out of sight. They landed a few hours later with a soft "thump" in Duckie's front yard. They patted Fawkes goodbye and he flew off, and the two went inside. They sat on the couch, wondering what to do next.  
  
"What do you wanna do?" asked the Duck.  
  
"Eat some oreos," said Noodlez, which always her reply to such questions.  
  
"Okay," said Duckie. "Then what?"  
  
Noodlez thought hard about it and said....... "Change Floo Powder so that it tastes more like pink and send a Howler to the giant squid!"  
  
"I think we may need a few more bags of Oreos to accomplish that!" said Duckie simply.  
  
THE END :-P  
  
____________________________________________________  
  
BOO HOO  
  
*sniffs*  
BUT NEVER FEAR!! FOR WE ARE WRITING ANOTHER STORY! IT WILL HAVE THE SAME NAME!! IT WILL BE CALLED:  
  
Harry Potter and the Return of the OFG  
  
Au Revoir! A tout a l'heure!


	7. Preview of the Sequel

PREVIEW! LOOK FOR A SEQUEL!  
  
  
Noodlez trudged down the hallway of her high school...if she were still at Hogwarts she would have skipped. She hadn't gotten word from any of her friends at Hogwarts since she and Duckie had been expelled. Duckie had told her that it was the same for her. Well, nothing had ever been so depressing or spongifying (uhm...that's my new word ppls!!) in Noodlez's whole life...and that's saying a lot since she had to go to school with a bunch of twinkies. The last class of the day had just ended. Noodlez trudged silently down the hall. She went to her locker and undid the lock, as she opened the door a Czechoslovakian Ear Whizzle (but you may know them as lemmings) jumped off the shelf.   
  
"Oh, hello Phillip..." she sighed, then did a double take as the Whizzle turned into a person. Noodlez looked up and down the hall to see if anyone had noticed, but all the other people in the hall were standing still, frozen in time.  
  
"Hello there, Noodlez, is it?" said the dude that had just sprouted from the Whizzle Noodlez had thought to be her pet, Phillip.  
  
Noodlez just gawked, who the hell was this guy? The man took a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Noodlez. It was a letter from Duckie! The letter read:  
  
Noodlez!  
Hey! Know what, we still have our wands! I just realized that...oh yea, I almost forgot...HELP! THIS PERSON WITH A STINKY DIAPER ON HIS HEAD KIDNAPPED ME! LOOK OUT! HE'S STANDING BEHIND YOU!  
  
Love, Duckie  
  
Noodlez looked at "Phillip" and he pointed behind her. A large man who she recognized as Mr. Joey Jo-Jo stood behind her wearing a wrestling mask and overalls.  
  
"Where's the diaper?" she asked Jo-Jo.  
  
"UGH! ME JO-JO! ME WANT RUBBER CROCODILE! GIVE ME THE FUDGE!"  
  
He stared at the floor where Noodlez had stood a moment before. Oopsies! She was gone!  
  
* * *  
  
  
Noodlez climbed to the top of the hill that had so conveniently appeared. She struck a dramatic pose as superhero music played.  
  
"I'm coming, Duckie!" she shouted as the wind suddenly picked up (OOOOHHH! LIKE IN THE MOVIES!) and blew her hair (dramatically of course). She ran down the hill, arm raised over her head, finger pointing upwards (dramatically) and charged into the sunset, "IT'S MY TURN TO RESCUE SOMEONE!"  
  
(I hope all you readers pity Duckie...heh...)  
  



	8. NOTICE

Hey everyone! The sequel is up my friends! It is getting wackier than ever, too! Visit us at our new home!


End file.
